AHRLI v. RHALI
by EmpressGalaxia
Summary: Reading bash fics makes the Empress want to kill. I did so with this story which pits author against author to discover who Tenchi will choose...>^..^


AHRLI v. RHALI: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

A Fanfic by EmpressGalaxia

I was reading a Ryoko bash which received a LOT of flames, and one of the reviews was written by the authour, who stated that the fic would have been more well-received if it had been an Aeka bash. Well, I thought...eh, just read....

"Oh royko i luv u. " Tenchi said . 

i luv u to tenchi now we just have to get rid of that stoopid bitch ayeka." ryoko said "i know lets just kill her" tench said.

Ayeka came in and tripped over herself because she is a stupipdbitch. ryoko and tenchi laufed at her because they both hate her. "aeyka i don't liove you' tenchi said to ayeak 'i love yroko and we're going to get married . why don't you go back to juri you stupid whore'

"but Tenchi, ryoko is a dmeon !!!!!!1" ayeak said

SHUTUP!!!!!1!!!!" TENCHI said. "i love her because she's not a stupid whore like you.;

"That is so incredibly horrible, Rhiannon," Annie told her rival.

"What?" Rhiannon looked over her shoulder to find her peer reading what she had typed when she was supposed to be writing a paper on the French Revolution. "You're not working on your paper either, if you're sneaking a peek at my work. You're probably trying to cheat because you know I'm smarter than you."

Annie gaped. "_You_ smarter than _me_? That's a laugh. I'm more sophisticated, prettier, and smarter. The only thing you're better at than me is smelling terrible."

"I smell something terrible, alright," Rhiannon replied. "And it's your horrible perfume. But getting back to the subject, what's wrong with my writing?"

"Firstly, everyone's out of character. Tenchi would never choose Ryoko over Aeka. Aeka is a beautiful princess from an exotic land. She has grace and composure. And he would never call her a 'stupid whore.'"

"Like you could write anything better," she shot back.

"In fact, I have been."

"Lord Tenchi, let's run away and get married, then go back to juari and rule!" ayeka said. "okay ayeka, we just have to ger tid ogf that stupid ryoko first. waht a stupid whore i hate her so much." tenchi siad

ryoko came downstaris just then, wearing a tiny little outfit to try and accentuate her big ugly breasts. she trhew herself at tenchi like the whore she is. "Tenchi!!!!1!!!!!!" she said throwing herself at him. "i love you, let's get married." "no ryoko you stupid ugly monster. you're such a lsut, you should move out of the house." "Tenchi why?"

Because tnehci and i are getting married, rooko, and there's no need for you to be here anymore, you dumb bitch" ayeka said. 

ryoko got raelly angry and threw a fireball at ayeak to kill her. tenchi used the lighthawk iwngs to protect ayueka and then killed ryoko with his light saber. he and ayeak than got married and had hot wild sex the end

Rhiannon laughed loudly. "Oh, but _my _story was stupid. That's worse. It's filled with spelling errors!"

"Like yours was any better? I might have a few spelling problems, but you had grammatical errors everywhere! At least mine had the characters right! Tenchi would never marry Ryoko; she's too mean. Aeka is perfect for him."

"Tenchi would never kill Ryoko! And why is it that you keep calling Ryoko a slut and a whore, but Aeka's the one having wild sex?"

"You call Aeka a whore in your story, but Ryoko's the one who always wanders around nude! She wears such a poor excuse for clothing, I don't know how she never got arrested for indecency!"

"Because she's smart enough to evade the police. That's why she's a successful space pirate; she keeps out of their way and outsmarts them! I mean...hey! No, she isn't a slut!"

"She's not smart enough to evade the police! Remember when Kiyone caught her in Tenchi Universe? That dumb Mihoshi messed everything up, but she had her! With Aeka's help, too!"

"That just shows how much of a bitch Aeka is! Tenchi would choose Ryoko!"

"Tenchi would choose Aeka!"

"Ryoko!"

"Aeka!"

"Let's settle this outside!"

"Fine!"

Rhiannon and Annie stormed out of class, alarming their history teacher greatly. "Um, girls?" she meekly queried. They didn't reply.

The students gathered to the windows to watch the longtime rivals argue. Someone yelled "catfight!" but little did they know that this would amount to much more than hissing, scratching, and biting. 

Rhiannon held a hand in the air. "Ryoko, demon summoner, devil of Japan! I call upon your most unholy power to help me to defeat this evil! Ryoko, goddess of iniquity, come to my aid!"

Annie dropped to her knees in a prayer position. "Princess Aeka of Jurai, I beseech thee to help me prevail over mine enemies. Use your holy light to cast away this darkness before me and help me be victorious."

Both girls waited, and nothing happened. They hadn't realised they were praying to cartoon characters. 

Today's lesson:

1) Cartoon characters aren't real people.

2) Praying to cartoon characters isn't going to help you win any battles.

3) If Ryoko and Aeka _were _real goddesses to pray to, they wouldn't understand you if you spoke English.

Back to the show...

Rhiannon and Annie waited for something to happen. Not surprisingly, nothing did. However, a Galaxy Police ship hovered over the girls, and shot both of them dead for their inadequate choices for character worship.

THE END

"Kiyone, what are you doing at my computer?" Washu asked.

Kiyone jumped. "Um, nothing. Just writing a little story. Kind of a catharsis for me, you know." She tapped the "delete" button on the holograph keyboard. "I guess I'll be going."

Washu nodded. Before Kiyone exited, she asked, "Um, did you happen to read anything that was on my computer?"

Kiyone turned and shook her head. "Of course not; I didn't even save my own work."

Washu smiled. "All right, then, see you at dinner!" She sat down on her cushion and listened for the familiar sound of someone leaving her lab. She clicked a few buttons, then opened a file and began typing.

"Oh, Little Washu, how I love you!" Tenchi exclaimed to the brilliant and beautiful scientist. "Let's get married and have beautiful, intelligent children who will take over the universe for us!"

"Why, Tenchi, I just don't know," Washu blushed, making her adult form even more gorgeous. "What will we do about the other girls?"

"Who cares? I don't love any of them, just you!"

Hey, I had just read a Ryoko bash, and an Aeka bash, and wanted to kill some senseless people. Is that okay with you? Gud. Review ::points downward:: pretty please with sugar on top.


End file.
